Pink Car

(no subject)

I am afraid that the people outside my window are talking about me, but I can't make out what they're saying.  I am very uncomfortable. I think maybe I should move my computer father away from the windows? Only, I don't trust my neighbour across the hall, because I think she thinks poorly of me - and I can hear her music through the wall, and want to be sure she hears nothing from me.

Life in an apartment building can be difficult.

But it is not impossible.

Ther is a solution.
Pink Car

Can't find the words, I'm falling apart

I've got a lot of negativity on my mind today. This entry is going to be hard.

30 day positivity challenge

Day 2 - What is one thing you like about your personality?


  • I like how intensely I feel emotions. Sure, it sucks a lot of the time, when the emotions are bad. But when they're good? I can feel thrilled and dreamy and loose and light and sunny and free, over the simplest things. A new book collection, or a camping trip, or some abstract idea. It makes me feel big, like I'm touching the entire universe, or like I have the strength to move mountains with my pinky finger. I don't know if everybody else gets to feel things like that. I'm not sure if it's worth the lows, but it's pretty special.

  • I'm good at drawing shy people out of their shells. I think this means I'm approachable, but maybe I'm reading too far into it.

  • I'm very trusting. I think everybody I meet is wonderful and kind, until I see evidence to the contrary. To pass judgement, I need to personally witness some assholery. Many people have pointed this out as a flaw, in the past, but I still can't see it that way. There's a difference between believing in people and putting yourself in a vulnerable position, right?

That's more than one thing. I'm a rule breaker, baby! 
Birds fly

30 Day Positivity Challenge - eh, why not?

I went off the rails, a little bit, last week. I'm still feeling depressed as fuck. I thought this might help. Maybe it's stupid, I don't know.

30 day positivity challenge.

Day 1 - What is something you've done that you're proud of?

  • I was proud the summer I went to French camp, when I was 17. I found all the necessary information myself, applied for the bursary months in advance, and got to live 9 hours away from home for 5 weeks. I scored higher on the level placement test than some other kids at my high school who were in French immersion, and felt that my self-study must have been pretty successful up to that point. My French speaking skills and confidence improved insanely that summer. I think about this time of my life quite often.

  • I was proud when I ran my first 5K. I probably couldn't run that far right now, but at least I know I could, with a few weeks of practice behind me.

  • I was proud when I found the courage to pledge a sorority, despite my crippling social anxiety. It was hard, but it improved my life a lot. I went from being too nervous to eat in the meal hall, or to pass people in the hallway on the way to the bathroom, to regularly hitting up events where the sole purpose was to engage in small talk with total strangers. I was voted into executive council right away after initiation, and had to give weekly reports in front of the entire chapter. I think I even had to give a workshop once? Anyway - I may not have many fond memories of sisterhood or any of that bullshit, but I really believe that Alpha Gam is the reason I'm no longer afraid to talk to cashiers and waitresses.

  • I was proud when I passed my lifeguarding exam as a teenager, after several embarassing years of taking swimming lessons with kids who were half my age.  I actually started teaching swimming lessons only a few years after I started learning myself. I'm a fast learner!

  • I was proud of getting an A+ on my organic chemistry exam, especially after failing that class the first time around. I should not be proud of this because I faked illness for a doctor's note so I could have more time to study. I needed to ace the exam because I skipped most of the classes over the semester. But, proud I am!

  • I was proud when my grade 12 science fair project was selected to go to the regional competition, even if I didn't win anything.

Birds fly

Hello, potential friends.

My name is Kristen, my age is twenty-five and I am a resident of Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada, North America, The World.

I have an ambitious-but-somewhat-backwards Russian boyfriend, and a family that lives far enough away to make me homesick on a regular basis.

I am currently working towards a Master's degree in in neurophysiology. Someday I want to be a great scientist who helps people all over the world with my fascinating and brilliant discoveries. Right now I am not anything special. I am just a girl like every other girl on the face of the planet who keeps a journal. Which, by the way, you are welcome to read.

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Birds fly

(no subject)

 Once upon a time there was a boy who lived in a house across the field from a girl who no longer exists. They made up a thousand games. She was Queen and he was King. In the autumn light, her hair shone like a crown. They collected the world in small handfuls. When the sky grew dark they parted with leaves in their hair. 

This journal is friends only.